Sunday, May 30, 2004

Fame? Fortune? Cookie?

I installed a site counter. This makes me immeasurably pleased.

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Something sprang into my mind today, and I found it deeply disturbing.

I have not been able to sleep in, since May 1, 2004. Since then, overcome with a deluge of homework that teachers frenetically assigned, I have woken up dutifully at 7 AM (on Saturdays and Sunday's as well) and after eating as fast as possible, dived into the pile of homework that serenely awaited me, sitting neatly upon my desk.

There used to be a time, when the very idea of not sleeping in on weekends, would evoke a shocked gasp and utter disbelief. Now, I can only muster a weary, shake of my head at the thought- that my life has become so dictated by the courseload of Full IB, that I cannot even enjoy that which I hold so close to my heart- sleep.

Even now, bags under my eyes and hair in furious disarray, I wonder when I became this mindless drone, typing mechanically on his computer and spewing out essays, speeches and presentations. I believe, I have made my work as independent of consciousness as possible- my mind, driven by a lack of sleep to the darkest, nether regions of my brain.

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What is it that every living inhabitant of our planet, really wants? Perhaps fame- the desire to have generations after us, repeat our names with tones of awe or perhaps fear. The desire to leave a legacy,that does not end with our end, that does not wither away even as we do.

Or perhaps, it is fortune- the ability to live a soft, luxorious life where one can have anything brought at one's behest, and watch money roll in with casual consistence.

Or maybe it's just for the ephemeral pleasures we are granted. The fleeting happiness we are granted at the announcement of a piece of good news, or the sense of euphoria and elation that can occur at the unlikeliest of moments.

Or, perhaps, we just want sleep.

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